Grand StorySlam

DigPhilly
November 13, 2007

Heroin makes heroine of Philly’s best storyteller

Created by: Joshua Valocchi

Posted: November 13, 2007

The "Greatest Storyteller in Philadelphia" wins title on hilarious and heartbreaking tale of heroin, rehab and music.

“So, for my 24th birthday, my friends and family all got together and … sent me to rehab for heroin.”

Thus began the sordid but hilarious tale that would eventually earn Juliet Wayne the coveted title of “Best Storyteller in Philadelphia.”

Presented as the crown jewel of sorts in this year’s First Person Arts Festival, Saturday’s “Grand StorySlam” pitted the winners of the past seven monthly “StorySlams” against one another in a battle royal of yarnspinning. Given the topic of “Most Memorable Musical Moments,” each competitor had five minutes to deliver an autobiographical short story in their individually chosen style. The contestants were judged on presentation and content, with consideration given to the amount of relevance the stories bore to the musically-themed topic.

Wayne’s winning tale owed as much to her endearingly enthusiastic delivery as it did to the touching and deeply personal aspects contained within. Interestingly enough, the only questionable element involved was how much of a “musical moment” it really was. Regardless, from open to close, Wayne kept the standing room only audience’s attention rapt with her demonstrative style and sharp wit. When she wrapped her story up in a nice bow – quite literally, in fact – she had managed to guide the crowd through the gamut of emotions in a fashion that made it difficult to distinguish tears of laughter from those of compassion.

Although Wayne took home the grand prize with her rehab rehash, two other competitors managed to separately snag honors in the specific criteria categories. Brendan Jones’ emphatic delivery of a harrowing experience on a fishing rig in the wild waters off the Alaskan coast garnered him the presentation crown, while R. Eric Thomas’ music-centric tale of singing Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary” in front of a crowd of drunk lesbians at Sisters nailed down the content title.

Although narrowly failing to earn an official prize, Raeann Drew’s adorably disjointed account of just how funny epileptic seizures can be when they happen during choral concerts had the entire audience in stitches. If there was a laugh-o-meter involved in any of the award criteria, Drew would have been a shoo-in. Additionally, local attorney Benjamin Drinen somehow managed to wring a measure of grim humor from a deeply disturbing tale of domestic abuse. His story, which originated from his experience as a social worker, was delivered in such a bone-dry fashion that it was impossible to gauge how serious he was when he stated – in reference to the abuser – “if he comes back here, I’ll kill that motherfucker.”

Through it all, StorySlam host Robert Drake kept it together with his self-deprecating humor and questionable eyesight – especially when it came to reading the judges' scorecards. Drake, a local DJ and the producer of WXPN’s Kid’s Corner, managed to maintain the evening’s momentum during intermittent breaks as the judges tallied their scores. He took some time to share a few personal observations and also read selections from the more than 1,500 submissions to WXPN’s recent “Most Memorable Musical Moments” countdown competition.

Amusingly enough, when Drake turned the microphone over to StorySlam winner Wayne, the newly-crowned “Greatest Storyteller in Philadelphia” was initially rendered speechless. After gathering herself, however, she managed one line that put the whole evening into perfect perspective, “I feel like I just achieved the biggest accomplishment in my life by telling about my greatest failure.”